A divorce could be painful and messy. And mine was a roller coaster ride of emotions when it ended because I was experiencing resentment, regret, and relief from a love where we had weaved lots of dreams together or for a love that wasn’t even there when it all started.
It all ended mutually and with peace and forgiveness but it posed questions of where, why and how something which seemed so beautiful in the start could go terribly wrong.
My perspective of things changed after divorce and here’s the list of things I have learnt from the tragic experience.
#1) It’s not your job to change or fix her.
The more you expect something out of her, distances are bound to grow. Love and accept her for how and what she is.
You may never realize that your strong love could eventually make her change, even if it’s not the change you expected – still love her. When you were wedded you made those beautiful promises, but now that you are married you need to accept her gracefully for how she is.
#2) Forgive immediately.
Holding on to the angry or painful past could cause serious damage to your marriage. Forgive or seek forgiveness immediately.
Staying focused on the dreadful past is like anchoring the marriage whereas you need to cut the anchor loose and choose love to experience joy, freedom and bliss.
#3) Never stop growing together.
Add value to your relationship by sharing your goals and dreams with one another. By supporting each other in accomplishing smaller and bigger goals of life. Share each others financial goals and ambitions.
Grow more spiritually together. As it’s rightly said, “the point of marriage is not happiness, the point of marriage is growth“
#4) Give her space.
Women are very generous with giving. They are so generous that they often forget to spend time for themselves. They get lost in serving the family – losing their individuality and dreams.
Help her by offering her some space and time to nurture herself and love herself. This space will actually help her to grow and she will come back to you now with more to give, love and laugh.
#5) Be present.
To make a woman feel important is very simple yet difficult for most men. Men often mistake women when she demands his time but in reality she is seeking his presence with attention. Just the way we treat a very important client or a customer.
Giver her your attention, focus and soul along with time and when you are with her, just be completely with her.
Marriages can be happy. But it isn’t easy to be ‘happily ever after’. It requires effort, commitment to grow together, and willingness to invest in creating something that will endure any storm and any amount of time.