Parents are very often clueless about how to react to their children’s untoward behavior.
They are scared that their children might distance themselves if they get too strict. And worried that if they behave too friendly or be overly understanding, then they might lose their respect or their children might not look upon them with seriousness.
One of the best ways to deal with a stubborn child is by showing him that his behavior is not going to work. Also, here are 4 keys to help you understand how to handle when your child gets into an unruly behavior.
Be an idol: Most often we complain that our children talk and react with a lot of aggression. Before you feel sad and furious within, do some introspection to understand if you are equally aggressive and use hurtful words with your spouse or other family members. Figure out if you are able to maintain your cool, if things do not go your way.
This is because, children don’t learn from what they hear, they learn and grow by what they see. So if you want your child to be polite and respectful, then consciously be attentive of your emotional expressions.
Stay Calm: Your kids can speak out something very hurtful when things don’t work as per their wishes. You could feel rejected and say that, “after all that I have done for you, this is what you give me?”
Stay calm and instead of shouting back at them, you could say something like, “I understand you are upset, but I am hurt by your words. Next time I want you to be polite as you know that talking back is not the culture of our family”. In short, teach what you preach.
Respect them: If you want your children to respect you and your decisions, you must respect them too.
Children will never have genuine respect for you if you demand it from them. Being authoritative and demanding will not be accepted by your children. Here are few ways on how you can develop a respectful relationship between both of you.
- Don’t be very strict and authoritative. Instead seek co-operation from them.
- Be supportive. Avoid dismissing or rejecting their ideas and emotions.
- Don’t be over protective and do every thing for them. If you feel tempted to help them to lessen their burden, you might be thinking that you are helping your child. But in reality you are telling your children that you don’t trust them with even the smaller tasks that they could do for themselves.
Give them Options: Once children start to grow, they want to experience freedom with their decisions or in their actions. So, if you instruct your child to do something, they will immediately act repulsive and say NO.
For example, if you ask your child to study, their immediate response would be NO. Instead if you give them options like, ‘would you like to do your homework now or let’s start preparing a bit of your project together for the science exhibition next week’.
Giving them options reduces their habit of saying NO and increases your chances of making your kids oblige to your requests.
Don’t allow them to overpower you: If you give into your kids demands and whines every time either out of frustration or due to a permissive behavior, you are at a greater risk of allowing your children to have power over you. Your children will then start to threaten, scare and negotiate with you.
Make your children realize that when you say a NO, you mean it. Be firm and soft while settling limits. Let them understand the fine line of difference when you are being a parent or their friend.